Saturday, January 30, 2010

Compactified Dementia - The hierarchy problem of cranks

Over the last couple of days I have come across several blogs (and tweet's) relating to cranks (crackpots) and how they choose to interact with scientists, the general public, and themselves.
I have had a special place in my heart for crackpots (cranks, kooks, nutters) for the last 15 years since running into them abruptly on Usenet (now google groups). I have framed my very first snail mail crackpot letter I received shortly after publishing a paper in Nature. The rest I have consigned to a cardboard box.

There are many useful web sites and resources out there regarding cranks, and I very highly recommend reading Underwood Dudley's fantastic books on cranks.


I have battle cranks for many years, but some comments on a blog about how cranks never seem to communicate with other cranks reminded me of a Usenet post I made several years ago. At the time I was doing research on short range tests of gravity, which would be able to put constraints on the size of compactified extra dimensions according to some string theory models by Arkani-Hamed et. al. I decided to write the following post. Enjoy. =)

Compactified Dementia - The hierarchy problem of cranks

The hierarchy problem of cranks is an interesting topic. Why are their arguments so weak compared to the average person? One answer might be that they reside in their own dimensions, compactified and placed out of the way somewhere.
Many people think that cranks (crackpots) live in their own universe, a universe that has nothing to do with our own. However, the Yankovich theory states that universes cannot interact directly. Since it is empirically obvious that cranks do in fact interact with our universe, this would mean that cranks in fact reside somewhere in our universe. This would mean that crackpots (cranks) live in their own compactified dementias, with bits of their crankiness "leaking" across to our regular Space-time.
There are some interesting properties associated with those compactified dementias.
1. There are absolute reference frames in Dementia-Space. This allows such things as faster than light travel, and the Ether.
2. Any GPS device entering such a Dementia is rendered useless.
3. Computer Keyboards have broken shift keys.
4. While communication from Dementia-Space is easy, communication into Dementia-Space is very difficult. In fact, one could postulate that there is no information transfer into Dementia-Space. Further tests are needed.
5. Residents of Compactified Dementias are very xenophobic. They think that occupants of regular space-time are in a vast conspiracy to "Hide the truth" and "Steal tax payers money".
6. Mathematics in Dementia-Space do not allow proper multiplication of negative numbers, but seem ideally suited to solve Fermat's last theory.
7. Time does not exist.
8. Clocks are broken.
9. The second law of thermodynamics does not hold in Dementia-Space.
10. Intelligence in Dementia-Space is dictated by the NIT. [1]
11. Diversified population makeup. [2]
This is but a short list. At this time, very few studies have been made into the fundamental physics of Compactified Dementias. At this time, most study has been simply to categorize (and catalog) the crank species that are emitted. For example, the list compiled by OM [3], while interesting, does not in fact explain why the interaction length of a crank is so small. Usually, crank interaction is limited to such an extent that the general population is rarely aware of cranks. Cranks have little effect on the physical world, much less any socio-political clout.
There is a new parameter space to explore when it comes to Compactified Dementias.

[1] M. Crank, Negative Intelligence, sci.physics, March 3, 2003

No comments:

Post a Comment